 |
| Always been proud with our Umma's ability to sustain and support our every need. She's my superwoman! :) |
I know my mom and dad raised us the best way they can. I may not remember the memories too well but seeing who I am now, I am beyond grateful that they took care of us with all their love. In my childhood, I have a memory hearing and studying the words “Jesus”, “Religion” and “Christianity” in school but seldom spoken at home. Nonetheless, we are happy as a family and for me as long as we are together; everything is going to be okay. We believe that God exists, we pray, we thank Him for the blessings but that was all. It never crossed my mind the importance “Jesus” is because no one told me. Until the day came when my parents had decided to separate lives and eventually parted ways. And, everything has since changed. It was heart-breaking for me and my younger sister--to see them often fighting, having a misunderstanding and even shouting at each other. I used to think that this was not supposed to happen; used to ask, “What went wrong?”, “Why, among millions of parents, mine has chosen to break apart?”. But over time, we overcame the hardship. However, steadily, fear, emptiness and bombardment of questions crept into me. The most frequent was, ‘WHY?’. This one shattered relationship, just one, I must say, entirely changed the way I see and treat life.
Years had passed and along the way, I met a lot of kinds of people that taught me remarkable things, most of which challenged, strengthened and shaped me. I excelled in my academics and I enjoyed studying and joining different competitions. Yet a time went by when circumstances made me think that without me doing the good stuffs and works for the people surrounding me, they can’t go that far. Then, it clicked in my mind that I was actually the one who went too far. I was too focused on myself, in my achievements and the recognition that I received and whenever I do something 'essential' and 'good' for them. I always thanked God for everything but one thing was for sure during those points in time, God was never real in my life. In spite of those grateful years, emptiness lingered still deep inside my heart and I just couldn't fill it. My happiness was always temporary and I was a contentment seeker.
So far, all of these achievements and happenings were significant moments for me not until 4th year in high school. My best friend invited me to attend on a Sunday service in their church and since I’d got nothing to do, I went with her. At this instance, I certainly knew an exceptional moment just happened to me—God intervened in my life. There, I had my very first encounter with God. From that day onwards, God continued showing Himself to me. On the contrary, my obedience and submission to God was only partial. The most unforgettable moment was my UPCAT days because after 8 full years, I was able to see my dad again but I was so mad at him knowing that he wasn't able to fight for us with my thought hanging ‘don’t he love us? If he does, he should have done more.’ I couldn't forgive my dad. I was always been so jealous to those who have a complete family.
 |
| Photo from google. Credit to the owner. |
I entered college in UP Los Banos with excitement but at the same time with a frightened heart. While I had a room for adjustment as a college student, the subjects were tough and I was dumbfounded by them. Also, I couldn't endure being too far away from my siblings. When my Mom left us to work in abroad, I learned how to be responsible to my siblings and be independent. Being the eldest and growing up fatherless, I matured early due to circumstances. Yet, college is way too different. This stage of my life made me cry countless times and I realized that I am never good enough, especially in math; that there are hundreds of people better than me in the field that I actually do best.
One day, I woke up hopeless and desperately wanting to give up which later led me to a decision to just attend a youth service in Victory. A real and heart-bolting encounter with His presence and it made all sense and clear to me, this time. He isn't just a person, He is the Person. And when He came for me and rescued me, my inner self stood and slowly died in silence. He called me by name, my mind and heart couldn't fathom to process it all at once—that there is Someone up there who cares so much for me and knows exactly what I am going through. That every second of my life is counted by Him and His love towards me is so intense that He sacrificed His One and Only Son just so I might have an eternal life. That all of my sins were forgiven through the blood of Jesus Christ to whom in my place was condemned by the world and was crucified on the Cross 2,000 years ago. As I was among the crowd listening to this overwhelming Truth that night on 2012, month of July, I just knew that God, our powerful and heavenly Father, the Creator of the Universe and my very flesh revealed Himself and showed me that true love is not earned but is freely given. I stood in awe knowing that all I have to do is to believe in Jesus, the Instigator for my sins and accept Him as my Lord and Savior. That night onwards, I have never been the same again. I finally found a purpose worth living for and understood that God put me at the perfect place in His perfect timing where He really intended me to be.  |
| Photo Credits to Victory LB Youth |
 |
| Source: justpsuche.tumblr.com |
Then, for the very first time, I understood why Math 17 has to be so hard for me. It was God’s way so that I might respond to Him. It indeed worked. Very uniquely, very thoughtfully planned.
On 23rd of February, year 2013 I have decided to follow Jesus and publicly declared that I put my faith in Him alone. It was the best day of my life because I am a new creation; I am born again freed from bondage to my old self of self-centeredness, pride, un-forgiveness, selfish egos and desires, the-‘me-versus-the-world’ and ‘all-knowing-me’ attitudes. I surrendered my life to Him allowing Him to use me for the advancement of His Kingdom, laid all of my burdens and worries knowing that He knows what are best for me. Finally, I was able to fully forgive my dad for leaving us. Certainly, in Christ there is a real freedom. I am forever thankful for God pursued, pursued again and never gave up on me.
Receiving his salvation was the most precious gift that I have ever received and Jesus will always be my greatest reward. His intervention in my life was not merely significant, because it goes beyond that, it’s the most substantial and superb.
